After almost a year of battling Cancer, Lindsey Milan Chapmen Merrit passed away.
Through out this time, even though she was scared, in pain and plainly terrified of dying she didn't lose her dignity, her humor, her caring spirit.
Now I ask who will play dress up with me. who will swipe my nail polish, who will teach me the dance numbers. Who will yell at me for butchering the English language. who will dance with me at weddings. Who is going to pick berries and make soup with me.
Although she will be missed, I plan to work hard to never forget her. Never forget so that she lives on in my memories and of all the other people who have memories so all the other people out there will learn of her and then she can live on far past her life time far past her short stay with us. And maybe someday her story will inspire some one to find a real cure
And which one of these three things am I. Well... this all goes back to the Bees. Yes the beginning was a low hum and a bright yellow in one of our apple trees. Late this afternoon, my sweetie, Corwyn noticed that there was a swarm of bees in our favorite apple tree. It was a a really dense ball of bee-ness hanging on some branches. There was no other sign of bees in the area. No swarm of them zipping around like the last time. We kind of looked at one another said "I hope those are honey bees". We took some pictures and called some people, then decided to go for it. We have a hive we have the tools we have the know how and the need. We were going to get us some honey bees. This is were Stupid comes in. I say to Corwyn, "We can do it by our selves. right? We just need to get the bees over to the hive." The man made hive was only 50 or so yards away. This should have been easy... Until you take into account that the swarm was about 15 feet in the air. And this is where Scary comes in. That right I volunteered to climb up and cut out the swarm ball and plop it into a box. I'm up there with a pair of limb cutter and a sugar water spritz bottle, cutting and spritzing for all I was worth. Corwyn is down below me keeping the ladder steady. OH did I mention that this was on a steep slope. That is not the Crazy part. Crazy is I did this twice. (We didn't get the queen the first time) Now we wait. Did we do this right or am I going to have to do this again. I don't think I am that crazy.
And were have I been the last couple of weeks. um. Well nowhere, but it has been really crazy here in ground zero of nowhere. The last two weeks have seen some... different. (and that is not even the right word. ) first was the night spent in the children's ward. Next was a week of training with lots of extras and lastly a weekend of flat out go go, go. Now I am on to playing catch up and not getting to take nap in the middle of the after noon. I really hate that. :/
So at least I am not just sitting here playing WOW 24/7. But immersed in life. I am not sure if it all my life but it is the one happening around. To me, with me. So I'll take it.
I am sure of it, not just because it is rapid growth with no controls and the so called treatment of it is almost as bad. but the truly evil part about it is to watch a beautiful, lively, talented 12 yr old girl turn into an old woman.
T's- niece was diagnosed with a malignant bone cancer this fall. We have in a silent state of panic since then, as we have had to watch her go to and from the hospital, slowly losing her strength, her vitality, and her hope, as this drags on with no real prognosis in sight. And to add to that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing we can do.
The family has been trying to maintain a state of normalcy, only to fail because it is impossible to do when both parents are busy running one child to and from the hospital, fielding phone calls and getting gifts of food every third day and basically feeling crushed by the knowledge that this could be her last year.
After 12 weeks of treatment and frustration we at last have heard some news. After a this last round of extremely vile treatment the cancer IS receding. and when I say vile the chemicals are so toxic that they have to give them to her through a port in her chest, and for a week afterward the smell of her pee makes her vomit.
yep it's that time of the year again. The time where it snows so much that we can't go anywhere. It was not so bad this weekend managed to get out of the house for a few hours to sing with my mother. But those happy days I think are over. We were supposed to have people over yesterday but one look at the weather and the fact that our road didn't get plowed until late kind of put a damper on that. So it is just us and the cats, our loverly computer connections and a nice fire to keep us warm. I guess I should be happy that we don't 'have' to go anywhere, but it sure would be nice.
Some how we ended up locked out of our house on thanksgiving day. We stumbled home after a long day of eating, talking and visiting. It was cold and dark and rainy. T got to the door and didn't move. He turned back to me and said the door was locked. Oops. Don't ask, We don't normally lock the door, I mean, why bother we are in Maine and there is literally nothing to steal. But do to a new door insulation panel that we put in we have to make sure the door is not going to get opened into it and brake it.
To make a long story short, we did eventually get in. After spending the night in T's sister basement with lots of little mechanical lights. A day of calling Locksmiths. AH, like there were any out there. Around 4 we put T's little niece through a basement window, (she was in Boston all day) There we were standing around in the cold, dark, rain trying to get this dinky little window open and listening to the Cats howl of how much they have missed us, or were quite possible very hungry. On the plus side we got to spend the day with one of T's latest nephews. the very cute one year old who can change moods faster then his father can change diapers.
It is the first snow fall of the winter. It is those big fluffy flakes that you can watch fall slowly to the ground. I don't know why I am so excited by this. I don't actually like the snow, but this seems Ok. I'm in a warm house, drinking my tea and watching the snow. And the ground to still warm so that the snow can't stick. It is all very surreal.Snow in the air and Leaves on the ground.
I seem to be mostly over this nasty head cold. Thank goodness. the nasty part of the cold wasn't the sweating or the congestion, of which I had very little, it was the cough. the racking cough up a lung kind that would happen if I did anything too strenuous. Like walking.
The part that really got me was, when I would start coughing as I was trying to go to sleep. It is very hard to sleep when you can't breath. And it is hard on T who was trying to sleep next to me. and I may have scared the cats a couple of times too.
But that is over and done with. On to a voice once again and singing. Although I kind of liked that I sounded like Loren BeCall. Very deep and chesty. I never sound like that in real life.
That's right, this time I really have a NEW computer. It didn't cost an arm and a leg, but alas it is not a notebook. But it has the biggest monitor I have ever worked with, it is fast and silent and has internet. This pretty much has be my problem in the last year when my cute little mac ibook died. I had internet but it was slow (my mother claimed was the same speed as her dial up). or I had another machine that could run every thing I wanted but... didn't have an internet card. (not going there.)
I am joyfully downloading all the juicy programs I want.
Best part of all this.... is every thing looks right on the monitor.
Ah, fall; the time of the year that the little vermin come down from their hidey place and start to hunt for food for the winter by raiding our yard of every little drop of food they can find. I don't really begrudge them. No really. Better they eat what all the pine and oak trees drop. I know I wont. What made me stand up and take notice this year was there was one cute red squirrel that had more balls then brains. It was during one sunny day last week when I was on a pie baking roll, that I saw him. A little red squirrel was trying to pick up this huge pine cone he would pick it up with his little paws and wrestle it until he had a good grip then he tried to run, only to have the pine cone fall. He did this a couple of times until he solved the problem. He stuck the tip in his mouth and then bounded off for the tree line. and I do mean bound. I ended up laughing here was this little squirrel with this too huge pine cone jumping up and down. I couldn't even image how he got it up the tree. He did this all afternoon, every time I looked out the window the little guy had a new pine cone in his mouth. Now mind you we have cats, wonderful hunters and catcher of little red squirrels. I don't know for sure, but I have not seen the squirrel since. Maybe he has just found a better, safer source of pine cones. Maybe.